Aidan on Instagram: "From killer hoco proposal, to killer hoco Crime in multi-storey car parks. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response., That evening, the mans wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and hes in the living room. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions written on the heel. Jokes You Couldn't Tell Today - YouTube Tomorrow doesnt look good either., 37. Face your problems, dont Facebook them., 4. When the Tooth fairy comes to your house she takes your tooth and gives you money. I find it helpful to look at a distinction I use all the time in my clinical work and teaching: intent versus impact. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. ! Doctor: Nine.. Maybe 22, he says. You think Im cute when Im angry? A talking clock? A nervous wreck. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. She was so ugly she could trick or treat over the telephone. Im addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as hes dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, Daddy! Submitted by Janet Winkler, A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot. Love is grand, until it isnt. A cloud of tension hangs over them, and one thing is clear: these two are not going to end the night in each others arms! Sir! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. Finally, after wed seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I was most interested in. One thing about Fred, his buddy says to the bartender. Im not allowed on the couch., Two salespeople approached me at the furniture store. Where are average things manufactured? No more Mr Rice Guy. Tim Vine, My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements. atlantic beach zoning map; torvill and dean routines list; sync only some activity types from garmin to strava So how do we know if theyre grizzly bear droppings? asks one of the ramblers. As my mate's best man, I tried to set up a brewery visit for his stag weekend. In other words, how many chicken does it take to change a light bulb? Says the chicken, Sorry, but thats the subject of another joke.Submitted by Gary Johnston. Theres just one condition. Whats the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing. We missed the R!, Father! cries the young monk. During the pandemic, my two granddaughterssix and eight years oldwere being home-schooled by their mom. My ex had one very annoying habit. Submitted by Timothy Manganaro, A Dubliner proposes to his girlfriend on St. Patricks Day and gives her a ring with a synthetic diamond. Well-dressed, with a flower pinned to his lapel, he cut a suave figure. Submitted by Barthelemy Petro. You havent been here a while, havent you? I asked. The day before both NBC and Fox confirmed she would not be making a return to the networks, Tamron Hall and Soledad O'Brien couldn't help but make a jibe at Megyn Kelly in New York. But in honour of Saint Patrick, I thought Id buy you a sham-rock.Anonymous, My wifes clinic called my home number to tell me that they couldnt accept 911 as her emergency contact. What other woman? Adam shot back. Oops.Submitted by Robert Rea, Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says 'Plethora. Thats just how I roll. But wait till I take him out of the bowl.Submitted by Nancy Send, An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. moments. These hilarious DIY jokes will bring down the house! shein voucher code first order; russ rose salary penn state; bluestacks text not showing; wordle alternative game; what is marco scutaro doing now Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Especially if youve got hay fever. Milton Jones. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when hes done, poof, the light goes off?, Oh, no, exclaims Bonnie. I hate Russian dolls so full of themselves! Couldn't find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him. Nurse: When? Tomac. Well get ready, because Im about to be gorgeous., 27. I have a new TV series airing next week, and everyone says its going to be a hit. No problem, the sales clerk answered. The walls are so clean you cant run up them. As they hurtle towards the ground, the parrot says to the terrified man, Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings.Anonymous. Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice [Read: Ready to charm? Yes, I said, but I really dont need it., Without missing a beat, she replied, We dont sell things that people need. Joe Caputo. And what, may I ask, are you? The cat replies, Um, Im a gnome.Submitted by Blake Kiltoff, What is my relationship deal breaker? You wont believe these crazy (but true) drive thru worker stories. [Read: 101 savage good comebacks for every witty, funny or rude comeback], 1. No, she said. That didnt suit my husband. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? Honey, whats for supper? No response, so he walks up to the kitchen door. Did you hit him with the golf club? Yes, I did, sobs the woman. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. ._2a172ppKObqWfRHr8eWBKV{-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;margin-right:8px}._39-woRduNuowN7G4JTW4I8{margin-top:12px}._136QdRzXkGKNtSQ-h1fUru{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin:8px 0;width:100%}.r51dfG6q3N-4exmkjHQg_{font-size:10px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.5px;line-height:12px;text-transform:uppercase;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center}.r51dfG6q3N-4exmkjHQg_,._2BnLYNBALzjH6p_ollJ-RF{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._2BnLYNBALzjH6p_ollJ-RF{margin-left:auto}._1-25VxiIsZFVU88qFh-T8p{padding:0}._2nxyf8XcTi2UZsUInEAcPs._2nxyf8XcTi2UZsUInEAcPs{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColor)} What did the baby corn say to its mom? Here, boy, he replies. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. Spell elephant,' the older one said. BBLTHRW. 'Submitted by John Langley. Theyre on the way out! Tim Vine. Most of us aren't stand-up comedians, and we don't walk around with a full repertoire of funny jokes to share at parties. Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. [Read: 101 Savage good comebacks for every witty, funny, or rude comment], 34. Trying to dampen his out look, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. Dont miss these hilarious real life prank stories! Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. 87 FUNNY Soccer Jokes To Get You Laughing! Your mileage may vary. These breads puns will come in handy the next time you feel like loafing around. The sign says its okay, replied the visitor. The feel-good session ended when I read the fortune cookie: You will soon be reunited with a good friend. Stanley Heerboth, My wife does this cute thing now and then where she goes out shopping for next years yard sale items. @cravin4. This moment of friction gifts you access into your partners interior, their map of pain points and insecurities, as well as insights into your own patterns and beliefs. He needed a little space. These hilarious tweets are guaranteed to make you grin! A cornfield. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. 71. These smartass quotes about breakups are sure to help you out. Press J to jump to the feed. This is my step ladder. The plane takes off and the parrot orders a Glenlivet, neat. Submitted by Christina Melton, I wouldnt want to fly Virgin. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. Pack your stuff, they're waiting. Reddit.com, If I worked in a used record store, I would tell every customer that all sales are vinyl. Hes only got little legs. You cheap bum! she yells. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? What are you drinking? he asks the guy. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room filled with toys. After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious. A mug is placed between his hands. Late one evening, Norms doorbell rang. The odds that I got mugged twice last year because I look like the kind of guy that would calculate those odds? Now what do you want? the woman asks. 78. Thanks for pretending not to see me when I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation that neither of us wanted to have., 25. Dont miss these funny tweets every parent can relate to. Five, six, maybe seven times. He doesnt look at all dangerous to me. They were having an ongoing conversation on Snapchat when he stopped responding last week. Light travels faster than sound. Pressed for time? My four-year-old grandson loves picking dandelions, placing them in a glass of water and presenting then to his mom. Relive the history of the world in dumb jokes. Your secrets are always safe with me. 15. Sadly, female airline pilots are still relatively rare. He said Thanks! I said Dont mention it., I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. I choose round. Sarah Millican, My wife its difficult to say what she does. You'll walk away feeling victorious! That's why it's helpful to have a good one-liner in your back pocket. The businessman asks for a Coke. Now hes the village blacksmith. PostedJune 30, 2019 [Read: How to be witty 25 ways to win everyone over with your charm]. You Couldn't Handle Me Even If I Came With Instructions - Funny Husband Wife Joke Gift - 11 OZ Coffee Mug . Aha! Jokes > Funny Insults > You're stupid 15 This is one of the times in life when you should keep a straight face. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. ._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa{margin-top:8px}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa ._3EpRuHW1VpLFcj-lugsvP_{color:inherit}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa svg._31U86fGhtxsxdGmOUf3KOM{color:inherit;fill:inherit;padding-right:8px}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa ._2mk9m3mkUAeEGtGQLNCVsJ{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;color:inherit} Do you own a doghouse? Submitted by Franklin P. Jones, One day my two children, 17-year-old Matt and 11-year-old Mitch, were having an argument. Can I join you? Why, am I falling apart? I replied. What did you write in the ad? his wife asks. Thats my twin sister. Oh yesthe news. Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. Thanks for the compliment [Read: 20 Smart medieval insults in English that should make a comeback], 48. Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. And theres no better place to be than on your partners team! Just then, a saleswoman appeared. Dont stick around for follow ups because youll lose the power. All jokes aside, I am so grateful for you" 2023 LovePanky.com Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | About Us | Write for Us | Contact Us, 60 creative insults to intellectually insult someone with sarcasm and leave everyone around laughing, 101 savage good comebacks for every witty, funny or rude comeback, 55 funny quotes about love and all its complications, Dry sense of humor: What is it & 20 signs youre too dry and funny, 11 profound relationship quotes everyone can relate to, All the quotes you need while going through a breakup, Being single 30 happy, inspiring quotes for singles, 19 life quotes to motivate you to live a better life, How to be funny and make people love your company, 101 Savage good comebacks for every witty, funny, or rude comment, 45 Saddest lost love quotes for the broken-hearted, 20 Smart medieval insults in English that should make a comeback, Ready to charm? Thats when youll want to have an arsenal of coy, yet hilarious, comebacks ready in your back pocket. I had spent some time looking for a sandwich on the grass, when a golfer asked me if someone had lost a sand wedge. 2. It also helps you to face the world together as a team. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens. "Women are like iPhones. Submitted byLucinda Rajaselvan, The police are called to an apartment and find a woman standing over a lifeless man, holding a bent and twisted five-iron. Submitted by Reid Faylor. Theseclever jokescould make anyone sound smart! ': Messages reveal frantic hours after Hancock affair story breaks, When the cost of living payments could be paid in 2023, and how much people will get, The golden health rules GPs live by, including why you should ditch your weekend lie-ins, Liverpool plan to be ruthless in 'biggest rebuild for a generation', How many episodes of The Last of Us there are and when the series ends, Instagram midwife faces misconduct hearing over racially offensive posts, 'The man is a narcissist': Tories despair as 'bully' Boris Johnson threatens Sunak's new start, Rafael Violy: Architect behind London's infamous Walkie Talkie building dies aged 78, Do not sell or share my personal information. Everyone can relate to these funny tweets about technology. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a millionaire today. As he sat down, a woman shouted, I dare you to do it again.Submitted by Debra Miteff, A job applicant was asked, What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses? Well, he began, my main weakness would definitely be my issues with realitytelling whats real from whats not. Okay, said the interviewer. He looked at all the rings on my fingers, then exclaimed, You must have had a lot of husbands! Submitted by Esther Dawson, Me: I brought some books for us to read. You keep out of this! she yells. So now I got me a hook., I was standin on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye., But ya dont go blind from no seagull poop., True, says Sol. Mom: Avocado, After my wife accidentally swallowed my prostate medication, our daughter called a pharmacist to ask whether there was any cause for alarm. you couldn't kick jokes - Natureisyourmedicine.com Where did the music teacher leave her keys? 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults I dont know, she replies. /*# sourceMappingURL=https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/chunkCSS/IdCard.ea0ac1df4e6491a16d39_.css.map*/._2JU2WQDzn5pAlpxqChbxr7{height:16px;margin-right:8px;width:16px}._3E45je-29yDjfFqFcLCXyH{margin-top:16px}._13YtS_rCnVZG1ns2xaCalg{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._1m5fPZN4q3vKVg9SgU43u2{margin-top:12px}._17A-IdW3j1_fI_pN-8tMV-{display:inline-block;margin-bottom:8px;margin-right:5px}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY{border-radius:20px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;letter-spacing:0;line-height:16px;padding:3px 10px;text-transform:none}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY:focus{outline:unset} Ive found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? 200 Short Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Your Socks Off - Parade ._12xlue8dQ1odPw1J81FIGQ{display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle} Rub one ball and everything moves., 7. I dont wish the best for you, nor do I want to find someone like you. W hen you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! The day shes discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? Yes, Im afraid so, said the doctor. ._1EPynDYoibfs7nDggdH7Gq{margin-bottom:8px;position:relative}._1EPynDYoibfs7nDggdH7Gq._3-0c12FCnHoLz34dQVveax{max-height:63px;overflow:hidden}._1zPvgKHteTOub9dKkvrOl4{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;line-height:21px;font-weight:400;word-wrap:break-word}._1dp4_svQVkkuV143AIEKsf{-ms-flex-align:baseline;align-items:baseline;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-body);bottom:-2px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-flow:row nowrap;flex-flow:row nowrap;padding-left:2px;position:absolute;right:-8px}._5VBcBVybCfosCzMJlXzC3{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:21px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-bodyText)}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI{position:relative;background-color:0;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);border:0;padding:0 8px}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:before{content:"";position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;border-radius:9999px;background:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);opacity:0}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:hover:before{opacity:.08}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:focus{outline:none}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:focus:before{opacity:.16}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI._2Z_0gYdq8Wr3FulRLZXC3e:before,._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:active:before{opacity:.24}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:disabled,._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI[data-disabled],._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI[disabled]{cursor:not-allowed;filter:grayscale(1);background:none;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaTextAlpha50);fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaTextAlpha50)}._2ZTVnRPqdyKo1dA7Q7i4EL{transition:all .1s linear 0s}.k51Bu_pyEfHQF6AAhaKfS{transition:none}._2qi_L6gKnhyJ0ZxPmwbDFK{transition:all .1s linear 0s;display:block;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-field);border-radius:4px;padding:8px;margin-bottom:12px;margin-top:8px;border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-canvas);cursor:pointer}._2qi_L6gKnhyJ0ZxPmwbDFK:focus{outline:none}._2qi_L6gKnhyJ0ZxPmwbDFK:hover{border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._2qi_L6gKnhyJ0ZxPmwbDFK._3GG6tRGPPJiejLqt2AZfh4{transition:none;border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}.IzSmZckfdQu5YP9qCsdWO{cursor:pointer;transition:all .1s linear 0s}.IzSmZckfdQu5YP9qCsdWO ._1EPynDYoibfs7nDggdH7Gq{border:1px solid transparent;border-radius:4px;transition:all .1s linear 0s}.IzSmZckfdQu5YP9qCsdWO:hover ._1EPynDYoibfs7nDggdH7Gq{border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-button);padding:4px}._1YvJWALkJ8iKZxUU53TeNO{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7 ._3jyKpErOrdUDMh0RFq5V6f{-ms-flex:100%;flex:100%}._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7 .dqhlvajEe-qyxij0jNsi0{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7 ._12nHw-MGuz_r1dQx5YPM2v,._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7 .dqhlvajEe-qyxij0jNsi0{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;cursor:pointer;-ms-flex-item-align:end;align-self:flex-end;-webkit-user-select:none;-ms-user-select:none;user-select:none}._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7 ._12nHw-MGuz_r1dQx5YPM2v{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);margin-right:8px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-errorText)}._3zTJ9t4vNwm1NrIaZ35NS6{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;line-height:21px;font-weight:400;word-wrap:break-word;width:100%;padding:0;border:none;background-color:transparent;resize:none;outline:none;cursor:pointer;color:var(--newRedditTheme-bodyText)}._2JIiUcAdp9rIhjEbIjcuQ-{resize:none;cursor:auto}._2I2LpaEhGCzQ9inJMwliNO,._42Nh7O6pFcqnA6OZd3bOK{display:inline-block;margin-left:4px;vertical-align:middle}._42Nh7O6pFcqnA6OZd3bOK{fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);height:16px;width:16px;margin-bottom:2px} Why did the chicken go to the sance? Years back, a group of hunters from the United States came up to shoot some birds. But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist climbed to the top of the pile, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands. I had only that single dollar, and I had to make a decision: Give it to his worthy cause or keep it. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. The other man looks disgustedly at the one who made the wish and says, Nice going! ", "If I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong. These hilarious jokes about marriagewill crack you up. 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners Were giving you the best smartass quotes for life, breakups, comebacks, and general advice to live by. So now I got me a wooden peg., When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. From the next room over, my dad yelled, Shes money laundering!Submitted by Shinae Hartley, A farmer sees a chicken strutting across a rural highway. Toughest job I ever had? No pun in 10 did. Oh, hey, kettle, Im pot and wow, youre black. Olivia Cunning, Tie Me, 26. You need to learn these corny Halloween jokes! What's a cat's favorite dessert? These are the funniest lawyer jokes of all time. And what about your strengths? Im Batman.Anonymous, After security tackles you on the red carpet? I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. The shaken turtle replies, I dont know. Thesehilarious school storiesare guaranteed to give you a laugh. My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from London Zoo. Start in England and drive west. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Don't be the person to initiate that. His instructions were to walk around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent. Sometimes I wish I was a bird so I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads., 40. George ignored her and walked away. What did the left eye say to the right eye? My Grandmother's favorite saying was actually a song. But that would ruin his credit. Jeannie Gibbs, The problem with Netflix recommendations is they assume I liked a show just because I watched 13 hours of it. Im friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. Submitted by Andre Batista. The older sister paused, then said, Spell mosquito. Uncle Teds hiding in your closet and hes got no clothes on!. Doctor: Oh, we are in this together. Here are the funniest court cases of all time! How old are you? Thirty-six.Submitted by Melissa Steginus, The other day I was thinking, I must be the most unobservant person in the world. Then I thought, Well, maybe other people are equally unobservant and I just havent noticed before.Submitted by D. Norris, I love that TV show with all the different video clips of things going disastrously wrong. He looked me in the eyes and said, 'Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket? The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, walks past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. So, as you can see, I said, Im doing a lot more than inflating at my desk. I got the raise. The son comes home in the afternoon. Impress a history buff with these hilarious history jokes. The satisfactory. A book just fell on my head. I thought, thats Abba-riginal. She poured some milk into the saucer and Jim did likewise. 105 of the best short jokes and one-liners to get you laughing in seconds Why? But hay its in my jeans. I thought: Hes trying to pull a fast one. But when it gets bad, I take something for it. Ken Dodd. 70 Knee Jokes And Puns That You Knee-d To Hear | Kidadl Want to grab a drink? he asks the centipede, but theres no answer from the box. Check out 30 New Years jokes that will have you laughing out loud. I want to provide you with some questions to invite reflection and conversation. 4 / 20. Whenever we'd start talking and she didn't want to hear it she would sing, "Oh the monkey wrapped his tail around the flag pole, to wipe his butt hole, and see the world! For more groan-worthy humour, find out what would happen if the person who named walkie-talkies named everything. I told them: I understand. Funny Husband Wife Joke Gift - 11 OZ Coffee Mug. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. Do you want to get a drink? I heard you the first time! says a small, irritated voice. Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor. No! yells the woman, slamming the door in his face. Thinking this was pretty funny, I drove past even slower three more times, laughing as the camera snapped away each time I drove by at a snails pace. Check out our all-time funniest work jokes. 2023 Readers Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Compiled by Andy Simmons, RD.com and Robert Liwanag, readersdigest.ca. I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween. 70 Hilariously Funny Jokes - Absolutely Hilarious Jokes to Tell What are you doing! says the husband. I steal food from humans. Submitted by Jennifer Estlin, Moved by the church service, the richest man in town stood up and addressed the congregation. Whats it called? I figured her sister must also be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why. I figured that my picture had been taken for speeding, even though I knew I wasnt. These funny work cartoonswere made for sharing at the office. Who could think of safe, new football jokes? 7. And for a shave? Five dollars. All right, he said, settling into the barber chair. Aye matey.. Yo mama so ugly when she went into a haunted house she came out with a job application. Darlin.You're hotter than donut grease at a fat man convention. Now, sure. Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". Because he broke all the records. Submitted by Wendy Davis, My mother asked me to hand out invitations to my brothers surprise party. So what have you done with your life? he asks the dog. ", "Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat. All rights reserved. My dog is so smart, says the first owner, that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. on Instagram: "' This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. I also drink a case of whisky a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise. Thats amazing, the woman said. All it was doing was gathering dust. @dadsaysjokes. Whats that big brass gong for? asked the friend.